A year ago, following a career break where I had a lot to figure out and ultimately led me to completing training for something very different, I registered a business and announced iterate ADHD and my own ADHD diagnosis to the world.
This process of figuring things out, which started in mid-2023, transformed not only my career but my entire understanding of what it takes to live well with ADHD and led me to a new career. After more than twenty years in technology, I stepped away to become an ADHD coach and workplace consultant.
Over the past twelve months, I've worked with more than 25 English-speaking adults in over 300 coaching sessions, particularly in Ireland and the UK but also beyond, all diagnosed later in life. What I've observed has reinforced and deepened my understanding of ADHD coaching and what helps people the most to move ahead.
Key insights
- Adults with ADHD don't need more information about what to do; they need help connecting knowing with doing.
- The shame and self-blame that accompanies late diagnosis often overshadows the ADHD symptoms themselves.
- Understanding how their brain actually works matters more than any productivity system or life hack.
- Most people arrive believing they're at fault entirely rather than neurologically different.
- Working together on solutions works far better than telling people what to do.
What I've observed working with adults through ADHD coaching
They arrive carrying invisible burdens
Many clients arrive believing they're fundamentally flawed. These are brilliant, accomplished people who've spent decades believing they're lazy, careless, or lacking willpower. The relief of diagnosis quickly gives way to a new question: "Okay so I've been diagnosed, now what?"
What strikes me most is how these amazing, intelligent adults have internalised years of criticism. They've been told to "just try harder" so many times that they genuinely believe their struggles are moral failings rather than neurological differences.
They know what they should be doing
What I've seen consistently reinforced is that people with ADHD already know what they should be doing. They don't need another productivity app or time management system. They need help understanding why their brain struggles to bridge the gap between knowing and doing.
The issue isn't information; it's implementation. They're constantly bombarded with inner thoughts and acting on distractions without realising it's happening, unable to project themselves into the future to achieve their goals. Traditional advice like "just do X, Y, or Z" has never worked for ADHD, and it never will.
They've been misunderstood for years
Many clients arrive having been prescribed solutions by well-meaning friends, colleagues, family, or even professionals who don't understand ADHD. They've tried countless systems that work for neurotypical brains but fail spectacularly for ADHD brains, leading to more "evidence" that they're the problem.
The pattern is heartbreakingly consistent: excitement about a new approach, quick confusion when it doesn't stick, abandonment of the system, and deeper self-criticism about their apparent inability to be consistent.
They're curious but overwhelmed
Once people start learning how their ADHD brain actually works, they become incredibly curious. But they're also overwhelmed by conflicting information, harmful misconceptions, and the sheer volume of ADHD content available online.
I've seen how damaging it can be when well-meaning people share articles claiming ADHD isn't real or is overdiagnosed. For someone just beginning to accept their condition, this can be devastating, reinforcing years of self-doubt.
What I've found tends to work best
Knowledge matters, a lot
The most transformative coaching happens when people truly understand the biological basis of their condition. When someone grasps that ADHD affects inhibition, time perception, and future planning at a neurological level, some more clarity on tackling these challanges with support emerges, beyond initial confusion or discomfort in the idea they could ever build such systems to support them in the first place.
The shift from asking"What's wrong with me?" to "How does my brain work, and what does it need?", being curious about ADHD, is the very real catalyst that opens up possibilities they couldn't imagine before.
Collaborative discovery beats directive advice
I've seen firsthand that it's pretty futile and that my role isn't to tell people what to do. They already know that. Instead, I support them in discovering their own insights and building strategies that actually stick, as they are and make sense to them alone.
When clients take the lead in goal refinement whilst I help them process and filter, the results are much stickier. They create systems that align with how their mind actually operates rather than fighting against it, in ways they owned.
Building awareness of "ADHD momenets" can prevent things spiralling
At the heart of ADHD is a weak inhibition response which manifests in many ways. A crucial part of coaching involves helping people recognise their patterns before they get stuck.
For example, using Dr Ari Tuckman's concept of "The Lies We Tell Ourselves" has been invaluable. That moment when someone genuinely believes they'll only spend "ten minutes" on YouTube, then emerges three hours later from a TikTok rabbit hole. Building awareness of these moments helps people catch themselves before the guilt spiral begins.
Small victories unlock bigger changes
When someone proves one thing to themselves about their capacity for growth, doors open to changes they hadn't imagined possible. It might be something as simple as taking a daily walk or setting one boundary that actually sticks.
These small victories can start dismantling years of strongly held beliefs that they're incapable of consistency. Once this foundation shifts, much bigger changes become possible.
Common patterns and challenges I see
The perfectionism trap
Many clients have spent years trying to be "perfect" to compensate for their ADHD challenges. This creates an exhausting cycle where anything less than perfection feels like failure, leading to procrastination and avoidance.
The information overload cycle
Adults with ADHD often become voracious consumers of self-help content, desperately searching for the "right" system or explanations. But connecting with these sources of information and making sense of them is often incredibly hard to do alone, without becoming overwhelmed and giving up.
The shame-driven decision making
Years of self-criticism create a pattern where decisions are often driven by avoiding shame rather than moving towards goals, this keeps people stuck in reactive mode, often accommodating others needs over their own, rather than being proactive and pragmatic with different ways of operating.
The comparison trap
Expectations of others based on what "normal" looks like creates constant comparison with neurotypical productivity and life management. This comparison is not only unfair but actively harmful to progress.
What makes the biggest difference
Better outcomes and changes happen when people learn to be kinder to themselves. Learning to treat themselves with the same kindness they'd show a friend creates an outlook for actual growth rather than shame-driven attempts at change. Understanding replaces confusion. Self-compassion starts deconstructing years of unwarranted self-criticism. Hope emerges where there was frustration.
The biological truth that liberates
When people truly understand that ADHD is a brain-based condition affecting executive function, not a character flaw, things can change. They're not lazy or broken; they have a neurological difference that makes certain tasks genuinely harder. This isn't about lowering standards or making excuses. It's about developing approaches that align with how their brain actually works rather than fighting against it.
What I've learned about my approach
Through these 300+ conversations, I've refined my approach as an ADHD coach to ensure to focus on clients taking ownership of consuming and synthesising ADHD knowledge and building self-awareness. Understanding what an ADHD coach actually does starts with recognising that when people understand how their brain works, they become their own best advocates and strategists.
The collaborative, education-based approach resonates particularly well with the professionals I work with. They've spent years feeling fundamentally flawed, only to discover they're dealing with predictable neurological differences that can be understood and worked with.
Looking forward
As awareness grows and more adults receive ADHD diagnoses across Ireland, the UK, and beyond, the need for post-diagnosis support becomes increasingly clear. There's a crucial gap between clinical treatment, owning the process of understanding what ADHD means to someone living with it clearly and working to improve life management that an ADHD coach can fill.
The most valuable insight I can share is this: change is possible, but it probably won't look like what you expect. It won't follow a linear path, but with proper understanding and support, you can build systems that work with your brain rather than against it.
For anyone reading this who recognises their own experience: you're not fundamentally flawed. You don't need to be fixed. You might instead need to understand how your unique and sllightly different brain works and what it needs to thrive.
