ADHD is often misunderstood, in part because it’s invisible. We don’t wear our condition on our sleeves; it doesn’t show up in our appearance. ADHD is hard to explain to others, to ourselves, yet this simple & accurate analogy may help.
Because people with ADHD don’t look any different from everyone else, our condition is invisible. But if you were to climb up into our heads, you’d discover quite a different landscape.
You’d find ideas firing around like kernels in a popcorn machine: ideas coming rat-a-tat fast, and on no discernible schedule. Ideas coming in spontaneous, erratic bursts.
And because we can’t turn this particular popcorn machine off, we are often unable to stop the idea generation at night; our minds never seem to rest.
Explaining Yourself to Yourself: The power of having relatable language navigating ADHD.
Before explaining things to other people for now, maybe we should be focus on explaining ourselves to ourselves, language can help.
This analogy above, drawn from ADHD 2.0: New Science and Essential Strategies for Thriving with Distraction by Ed Hallowell and John J. Ratey, resonated deeply with me during my own ADHD coaching. It was such a clear and relatable explanation of this common trait of ADHD that I had eternally struggled with, despite being "treated" with medication alone for a decade.
The medication would dial down the intensity of the machine, but I didn't truly understand myself or how ADHD was warping my perception of so many things, leading to me being so unclear and living in a blur, wondering where did my ADHD end and my true-self and personality start, feeling quite hopeless and demoralised after years of trying to manage it post-diagnosis, as if I was almost an observer of my own life with no answers.
I was just operating in some weird energy vortex, there were plenty of high points but quite a few quite damaging and depressing periods of being low, balance was in short supply. I simply didn't have the understanding of the true nature of ADHD, I didn't know how to spot when it could be my ally and fuel progress in a positive way if properly directed, I was completely blind when things fell apart at times, out of answers and stuck and demoralised. Thankfully, things have drastically changed.
Prior to being diagnosed in 2013, I felt this experience as a"noise in my head" or a sense of "buzzing and numbness", then for years I would say to myself "it's like there are fireworks going off in my head all the time" but the "popcorn kernels flying around" made much more sense to me, and mentally this concept allowed me to map it to potential solutions.
Overall, it really made me aware that having language and concepts to reconcile things, how I was wired and the progress I was making would form such a crucial part of my own evolution and progress. It was one of many such instances where I had an "AHA!" moment and was then able to work alongside a coach to put my own plans into action.
The naming of this type of understanding and acceptance you can achieve through ADHD coaching as an "AHA!" moment was actually something a client said to me between sessions. As they developed their understanding and were able to objectively analyse things and then translate this new understanding to their own life and context. It is now a term I've borrowed myself to replace just the "sense" of finally understanding something.
I truly had so many "AHA!" moments as I reconfigured myself over a period of months, I think it's a really great analogy when you finally get things and this whole process has led to a point of understanding, acceptance, calm, focus and contentment that I've never possessed for any sort of sustained period before. It's also a state that I could not have dreamed of or even fathomed early last year, I've even been able to successfully reduce the dosage of medication I take.
Overall, as so many with ADHD can so often be such creative, divergent and concept-driven thinkers, for me at least, having such simple, practical, relatable language and concepts really helped direct me down a much more positive path and to a completely new view of myself and how I am in the world.
Connecting the dots: Self-Awareness and Management
One of the most significant challenges with ADHD is that the constant stream of thoughts can be overwhelming, leading to self-induced rabbit holes that often end in frustration. But understanding the popcorn machine metaphor gave me the language and self-awareness I needed to start developing systems to manage my thoughts. Through my own ADHD coaching and self-reflection, I’ve learned to capture these ideas and, in many cases, to tame and slow down the machine.
I won’t claim to have mastered this entirely, there are still days when the popcorn machine gets the better of me. But now, I can often catch myself before I spiral too far, pulling myself out of those negative cycles before they ruin my day.
Should you read ADHD 2.0?
One of the refreshing aspects of ADHD 2.0 is its more upbeat view of ADHD and is very accessible and enjoyable to read, it is one of several resources I recommend to clients to develop their understanding.
Hallowell and Ratey offer a perspective that, while perhaps overly optimistic at times for some, provides a perhaps much-needed counterbalance to the often heavy, academic tone of other reputable ADHD literature, especially if you are in more of a crisis mode. Often, we buy books like this looking for answers and solutions, and can often abandon them without support. In their book, they often talk about ADHD as a set of “gifts to unwrap,” which might be a stretch for some, but it’s a perspective worth considering and finding your own balanced view.
Getting different perspectives from trusted sources is important. Hallowell and Ratey have certainly earned the right to their opinions, and even if you don’t entirely agree with their “gift” or “superpower” narrative at times, their positive spin can bring a sense of balance and even humour to the experience of living with ADHD.
If you’re living with ADHD, suspect you might be, or if someone you care about is, I believe ADHD 2.0 may be worth your time. It might not have all the answers, but it offers valuable insights and reported experiences in their extensive clinical practice that can help you navigate the complexities of ADHD with a bit more clarity and some optimism. Whether you’re looking for practical explanations or just a different perspective, this book has something to offer, I thoroughly enjoyed it, even if I can't go the full distance on the "ADHD is a gift" perspective.
In the end, ADHD doesn’t have to be just a challenge. With the right tools and mindset, it can be a part of what makes you unique, a source of creativity, energy, and yes, even a little bit of that unpredictable popcorn magic can be leveraged in much better ways.
Just like ADHD itself, creativity and innovation are forms of divergence, we perhaps shouldn't try to suppress all of what ADHD can be for us. To evaluate what we want to try tame or modify and to consider how we might adapt our environments to support us. This becomes possible with knowledge, translating this to your own experience and owning self-directed approaches to get you there.
ADHD Coaching and finding language to get to understanding and into action
In my past business career, I disliked analogies and found some of them quite cringey. However, when I embarked on my own ADHD Coaching journey as a client and now in my subsequent practice with clients, such analogies, from reputable sources have really helped simplify some of the complex manifestations of ADHD and make the challenges relatable. With these relatable analogies, we can better understand ourselves, how and why we act as we do, and be in much better shape to pragmatically get to do something about different areas we struggle with.
A core concept of effective ADHD coaching is for you to take the lead in owning your ADHD, you own the process and a coach works with you by co-creating a coaching plan based on what you might want to accomplish, while allowing the space for change as understanding evolves and context may shift. Often, what we think we want from such an engagement, turns out to be different, which is why I feel prescriptive twelve-step programs are likely to fail.
The relationship between the Coach and Client can be quite a powerful and unique one for both people. I really, really enjoy working with people to help them develop their own language and understanding, it's the most rewarding career I think I could have chosen, which would never have happened in the first place without me changing through the same process.
No two people with ADHD are the same, what may present as a significant challenge for one person may not be an issue for another. Ultimately, you are the sole expert on your own life and experience, an ADHD Coach can be a trusted ally by your side who understands and can allow you to truly grasp what ADHD is, how it shows up in its varying common manifestations and to provide you with insight, probe, direct, support and provide accountability to you through an ADHD-lens.
ADHD coaching is not to be told what to do or given some playbook of "hacks" for you to follow. To be most effective, this requires getting solid grasp of the fundamental aspects of what it truly is, just one example is explaining ADHD by providing relatable content such as the popcorn machine, if you can relate to that, we can work together to figure out how you can initiate action to modify and tame things.
This process can really help with acceptance, understanding and enabling you to move ahead into an experimental phase, developing new perspectives and building new, alternative and better ways of operating, while reflecting and considering what may be working and what may need more work. Ultimately, it's all about you living in the world that feels more comfortable to you, as you are.
